that thursday afternoon in october when you could feel fall's beginning and our end all around you just days after i made the trip back home. my new-found love of painting pottery. that saturday morning in december when i ran my first 5k and nearly froze to death dressed as an elf. christmas eve opening presents and going to midnight mass. my 25th birthday and the secret wish i made over the candles that evening. ringing in the new year. my discovery of saturday mornings. the first red velvet cake i ever baked. the night i cried for hours because i heard our song played on a favorite show of mine. the way i fell in love with music and writing all over again, in an altogether different way. the first shot i ever took. that week in january when even i began to get sick of the snow. that foggy night, just days before halloween, when i made my determined drive home in the welcoming rain. the day i decided i actually liked to run. the day, several months later, when i began to hate it again. christmas cookies. that night, early in april, when i was finally able to look through old pictures without crying. my first almost speeding ticket (ha). my first parking ticket. ice cream runs at the first hint of springtime. the beginnings of a book i hope to finish one day soon. the moment when i realized i wasn't afraid to let go anymore; i wasn't afraid of not knowing ("leap and the net will appear"); i wasn't afraid of proving you wrong. the greater part of 2009. the better part of me.
you missed it all. you weren't here. but i'm used to making memories without you. hope it's worth it for you.