crossing january skies.

every once in a while, i can hear the planes taking off at night from the nearby airport. an all the sudden stir and rumble starting to the right then moving overhead. but it is never as loud as when it prepares to take off, when it begins to climb. almost as if all its energy goes into the forethought.

and then.. seemingly silent thereafter, crossing january skies.

there are resolutions and plans to be made, i suppose. but until the flight itself matches the roar of the climb, there will only ever be..

before we begin again.

except for a wonderful break at christmastime, and the days and nights spent with the people i love most, the past five or six months seem to have been stuck on fast forward. at the end of every week, i find myself wondering, "is it really friday already?" again and again. needless to say, the time off around christmas was a true blessing for many reasons. it was nice to spend the time how i wanted. it was nice to sleep and read and cook and lie on the couch. it was nice to not have anything to turn in or study. and it was especially nice to be surrounded by the love and laughter of my family.

the new year began and it came flying in. the late days of december were a breather, i suppose, before january pushed its way to the forefront. and here it is. another year. and the fast forward button seems to have been pressed again.

one of my favorite lyrics says, there is no reason we should be standing still. and i agree with it. i think we should fill our days and hearts with all the love and laughter and life that we can. i think there is always something more we can do, try, make better. i think there is enough time in each day to do, and i think we have room for it all. i think sometimes, though, the rush takes over what matters most.

the more i kept having those "is it really friday already?" moments, and the more my days seemed to hold, the more i kept going, the more i wanted to do.

until i stopped. until there was a break. until there was time away from the rush.

only then did i realize how much i wanted and needed the breather, and the time to spend filling my days and my heart with the love and laughter and lives that matter most.

at the end of every day, and at the end of yet another year,

we can all use a december breather before we begin again.

until she sleeps.

i have always had trouble going to sleep when i should, or ending the day before the next day begins. a night owl by nature, i find comfort in the hours that lead into midnight and the moments that follow. gradually winding down, gradually getting to the point where i know once i place my head on my pillow, i will fall asleep soon. it just takes time, though. and i have learned over the years that, if i simply lie down and try to sleep without writing or reading or listening to music (something), i will lie there for many minutes, even hours, trying to find my way to sleep.

i've known people who are able to lie down, close their eyes and magically fall right to sleep. personally, i don't get it. and, while i used to envy this seemingly-magical ability, i now know it's simply not within me to do the same.

i spend a lot of my time during my days thinking. i suppose the night is my time to collect and organize those thoughts into something that means something to me, something that makes sense. and before the next day begins, or at least before the alarm sounds in the morning, i have to get it straight. whatever it may be. there has to be some sort of plan, if not a resolution. and, until i have it in mind, i continue to write, read, fill my ears with music. all the while thinking. and taking the time to do what i know works for me. it may not make sense to some, but it makes sense to me. and you can trust that i've thought it through, i'm thinking it through, with the night owls on my side.