it's my favorite kind of afternoon. rainy, cloudy, chance of a storm. the kind of afternoon that makes you want to write, even though the creative part of me seems to slow down during the week. so, let's see.
working on a unit for the elderly in the hospital gives me a new fear in life. getting older. everything seems to slow down a bit. almost everything requires a helping hand from another, an extra minute or two to get going, a second thought. i've watched as wrinkled hands reach out for assistance; feet shuffle unsteadily across the hospital floor; and as fear resides in the eyes of those who are confused.
things as simple as walking to the bathroom, turning over in bed, getting out of a chair - things you and i rarely, if ever, have to even think about - involve additional effort and attention. if you put your hands here, it might help; if you swing you feet around first, that might make things easier. a plan before motion.
i've thought about this new fear of mine - growing older - a lot over the years and it has always scared me for one reason or another. part of it has to do with the fact that life at this time seems amazing and fun and full. and part of it has to do with everything i've just written about. but, recently, i've begun to look at it a little differently. maybe the slowing down isn't such a bad thing. in the slowing down, we're able to have more time to notice and appreciate the little things that bless the air around us.
the tiniest of gestures and good deeds stand out; the simplest things mean the most; and the smallest of details never go unnoticed.
when i think of growing older in this way, it doesn't scare me as much. in fact, it makes me continue to think of things now in an altogether different way. i've found myself lately watching life fly by, but at the same time, i'm trying to slow down as things seem to speed up around me. that's what my commandment be here now is centered around - being in the moment and taking it all in.
[more on this later.]