Wednesday, February 3, 2010

i know there are little things about me that would sing in the silence.

commandment: get back to basics.

when i think about this commandment, a quote comes to mind from the movie big fish. you become what you always were - a very big fish. deep down, you're the same person all along. but you're still ever-changing, ever-growing into a better-defined version of that same person.

so, who am i? i'm the kind of girl who has 10 pairs of high heels in her closet but prefers to go out in a t-shirt, jeans and ballet flats; who works out for two hours at the gym and then follows it up with a double cheeseburger, fries and sweet tea; who has soft spots in her heart for puppies, musicians and sincerity; who over-thinks everything and can't let go of anything; who listens actively; who thinks music sounds best playing loudly in the car; who hates cats, clowns, coffee, cilantro and change (it just so happens they all begin with the letter "c"); who prefers rainy days to sunny days; who laughs (genuinely) all the time; who writes better and more than she talks; who believes strongly in prayer; who is thoughtful about the things she does and says; who is a big klutz at heart; who is a careful optimist and knows what is meant to be will be..

who am i not? i will never be the girl who enjoys talking on the phone; i will never be good at math or good with directions; i will never enjoy wine; i will never be the center of attention; i will never be one to learn my lesson easily or quickly..

for years, i tried to actively find myself, and i was constantly trying to figure out who i was and what made me me. recently, i've realized i've known me all along. i've always been here. but now is the time to get to the heart of it (the detail is in the fabric). this commandment, this getting back to basics, means knowing myself and what i like, learning more about that particular self as time goes on, and having the guts to stick to it all and put it out there.

in other words, getting back to basics means getting back to the real me - figuring out more and more what makes me happy, while keeping in mind what i've known all along.

"i used to think someday i'd relax a little and be more like you. then i realized how silly that thought was. i needed to stand in my own shoes.."

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