Sunday, January 31, 2010

today i finally overcame trying to fit the world inside a picture frame.

for years, i planned on living life one way. i had it all planned out. i knew exactly what i would do and where i would be and i knew, too, what i wanted for the future. these pre-2009 plans have all but stayed the same, and i've now been given the opportunity (i can say that now and mean it) to make different plans, my own plans, and at the same time, enjoy my life right here and right now.

i will admit, when i first began thinking of different plans, it seemed like a chore, something i had to do. being forced to think about what i really wanted scared me at first, and i literally could not come up with a single thing. i was stuck. my mind was so fixed on those pre-2009 plans that i couldn't begin to think of anything else. my whole heart, for years, had believed i was moving in one direction, and just like that, it all changed. that's not something i adjusted to quickly or easily, and i can't say i've completely gotten a handle on it. even now.

once i got (somewhat) used to the idea that, not only had things changed, but things had changed for good, i was then able to open my mind up to new ideas and to think about what i truly wanted out of my life. and suddenly, it wasn't so scary anymore; in fact, thinking about the many possibilities started to excite me. it began to seem less like a chore and more, as i mentioned before, of a given opportunity.

that's honestly how i see it now. a given opportunity. an opportunity to be the person who i am meant to be now and to try the things i meant to try now. had 2009 gone any other way, these same opportunities might never have been.

so, what is the commandment for this journal entry? live the life i want.

although one of my goals these days has been to be here now - meaning, spend less time planning for the future and more time enjoying the present - i also find myself thinking a lot lately about the things i can do now and where i want my life to go from here. i have a list, a very specific list, of the things i want to do in this life i want to live, including going sky-diving, taking cooking classes, running more 5Ks and other runs, reading one book and trying one new cookie recipe a month, traveling... the key, though, in living the life i want, is to focus most of my time on the present, because i've learned that, no matter how much you plan for the future, you never know what might happen and what might change along the way.

i'm excited about the possibilities of the future. and, at the same time, i'm happy with living my life, step by step, in the here and now. this truly is the life i want to be living.

"let go of the life you planned. accept the life that is waiting for you."

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