Friday, February 12, 2010

i can't remember all the times i tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass.

there was a moment in step class today at the gym (i have to admit, my mind was elsewhere today at times) when i thought to myself, i really love my life right now. i am surrounded daily by the best of family and friends who support me unconditionally, who keep the smile on my face and who help keep me in the moment, and i watch as my life continues to get better each and every day. one of my commandments, be here now, deals with being in the moment, being present and taking it one step at a time. lately, i've noticed a change in myself - instead of worrying and thinking about the past or the future so much, i've been present and living in the moment more and more (okay, i realize, by being in step class and letting my mind wander, i wasn't exactly "in the moment." but, in general, i am getting better about this).

as a worrier and an over-thinker, i've struggled with "getting out of my head" for years. i tried fighting it and i tried letting things go, but one day i realized, that the worrying and over-thinking is, like it or not, a part of me. what i've found lately, though, after i stopped fighting it, is that i am worrying less, over-thinking things less and, at the heart of it, am really learning to live in the here and now. and, i have to say, it's an amazing feeling.

even though i was in the middle of a class at the gym thinking to myself, in a way, and at the same time, i was right in the moment. because it hit me, i love my life, and i felt like i was out of it looking in and right in it feeling it at the exact same time.

this is getting a little too deep, huh?

basically, what i've learned lately is that, even though i will always be a worrier and an over-thinker, i can still, and am still, present and in each passing moment. in fact, that same over-thinking might even help put me in the moment more - when i'm most aware of the beautiful life i have around me.

as i mentioned in another entry, i've learned that, even if you think something should work out, that doesn't necessarily mean it will. i was always a big believer in planning ahead, and i always had to have an idea of what was up ahead. i realized finally that plans and promises are no guarantee. in other words, i can worry and think and plan all day long, but it doesn't change anything, and it certainly doesn't guarantee anything either. what does matter, though, is each day, each moment, right then and there.

this is what i know now.

"live each season as it passes.."

1 comment:

  1. Yours is the most refreshing and seemingly sincere blog I've read in quite a while. I almost feel like a guilty mental voyeur who apparently doesn't feel guilty enough to stop reading. ha! Loved this entry. :)


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