commandment: be here now.
i've realized i've lost a lot of time these past seven months or so. i got so caught up in what was not going on that i failed to see what was happening right before my eyes. while worrying about what could happen (if only), i missed out on everything going on around me. the worry and the "what ifs?" kind of took over. in a very big way. and it's still, even with all the time that has passed, hard for me to believe it.
just as i've always been one to hold on, i've also always been a worrier, and i've always been one to over-think things. from the biggest things to the smallest of things. you name it, it's probably kept me up at night at one point in time. so, you can imagine what the past year has done to my worrying and my over-thinking. and you can imagine how that same over-worry and over-thinking could begin to affect your everyday life.
you're almost forced to be "in the moment" because you can't move on and you can't go back and start over; at the same time, you're more "out of the moment" than ever before because you're so caught up in the questions and uncertainties in your mind that you can barely think of anything else. kind of a strange thought.
i can't say i wish i wouldn't have let this year get to me the way that it did. i can't say that. actually, i can't imagine it not getting to me the way that it all did. what i can say is this - i wish i had spent more time focusing on the everyday, on the "here and now," instead of letting the "what ifs?" take over as they did. because if there is anything i have learned this year it's that, even with all my planning, things change (i'm still not convinced people change, but things do in fact change), the unexpected happens (it not only happens; it bites you in the ass), and the more you worry yourself with what could have happened, the more you miss out on what actually is happening.