there have been many times in my life when i could look back on an experience, a situation, a conversation with another and realize why it happened when it happened. it never came to me until later, until i was out of the experience myself and granted the opportunity to look back and learn something from it all. and i could see it.. i could see how one something happened in order for another something to occur. or, at times, something would not happen and another something other (another something better) happened instead. and i knew - nothing could have happened without the other; nothing could have happened at another time or place; nothing could have happened another way.
so many times in my life i felt inpatient, waiting for something to happen, waiting for my plans to fall into place. little did i realize, until recently, that i was missing the in-between time altogether. i would plan and plan for what i wanted to happen, and for what i wanted in life, never being able to quite accept a change in plans. all the while, i was missing the days and the moments in the midde, between the here and there, between the now and the life i had in mind.
what i've realized most of all lately is that plans change; people change; and, suddenly, lives begin to change. and you never, ever quite know what's going to become of it all. even with my carefully thought-out plans that stretched way into the future, i didn't and couldn't plan for change or the unexpected. and it happened.. a big, unexpected change that, in turn, put an end to all my plans.
now, here's the tricky part i'm working on now.. instead of worrying about what could have happened and what didn't happen.. instead of worrying myself with what could happen now, with a brand new kind of future lying in front of me.. i'm going to try and focus on what's actually going on, and what's actually happening, now. in other words, taking one day at a time. and, if you think about it, it's a way of letting yourself take a good look (and get a good look) at your life, without missing what's here and now while you're busy planning for an uncertain, ever-changing future.
for the first time ever, not only do i not know what's ahead, i'm also okay with not knowing, and i'm looking forward to finding out.. one day at a time. and i know.. it will all happen just as it is supposed to. just as it is meant to.