and as for the clouds, just let them roll away.

i have a lot of favorite lyrics from the counting crows. i was thinking about one lyric in particular lately - a sea of flowers won't bloom without the rain. this lyric has always brought to my mind the idea that, through and after the worst of times, a kind of rebirth and a new kind of happiness can appear.

that particular kind of rebirth and newfound happiness represents just how significant those worst of times were. in other words, i feel, the harder the struggle and the more difficult the time, the stronger and the happier (hopefully) you are at the end of it all.

i'm thinking this idea goes along with the commandment i talked about in my last entry - call it a lesson learned (the lesson in this case being seeing what kind of good can come out of the bad) - and with the idea that there is much to be learned and gained from the so-called rain. the lessons i learned throughout the course of the last year (in the rain, so to say) brought me to a stronger, happier place, and without those difficult times, well, the flowers wouldn't have bloomed in quite the same way. in other words, i wouldn't have developed into the person i am today, and i wouldn't be on the search still for the person i have yet to become had it not been for the rain.

a friend of mine once said to me, "you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet." it's a funny quote, but if you think about it, this saying goes along with the above lyric. in order to get to the "good stuff" (the blooming flowers, the omelet), or to a specific kind of "good stuff," you sometimes have to endure the "bad stuff" (the rain, the broken eggs) first.

i'm not saying i believe that good things only exist only when bad things precede them. i know of many good things that exist and stand all on their own. what i am saying is this - the struggles and difficult times lead you to a new place you never expected to be which, in turn, turns out to be a better place than you had even imagined yourself. without that particular "bad," you never would have reached this particular "good." i will say, though, that even though i don't believe good only exists after something bad, i do believe that there is always something good to be taken out of and learned from something bad.

whew. this one is making my head hurt.

so, what exactly is my sea of flowers thanks to the rain? it's these things - becoming even closer with my family and my friends over this last year and strengthening the trust and the bond i have with them; knowing myself in different ways than i ever have before; knowing what i want and don't want out of life and being comfortable with that; knowing who i am and who i will never be; writing again and having so much to say. it's these things and so many more that make up my sea of flowers. and the best part is, i know this is only the beginning.