Sunday, April 3, 2011

i'm by your side.

there's a comfort in knowing you're still with us. i see you when i look at the sky, particularly the clouds and the stars. i was told not too long ago that you couldn't hear us or see us, that that wasn't the way it worked. i have to disagree. maybe it's just a way to make myself feel better, or maybe it's something more. i like to think, to believe, that, at least every once in a while, you get a peak at what's going on, that you can hear me, and that you're smiling in return.


it was today, april 3rd, last year that i bought my first new car. i remember meeting you at buffalo wild wings for dinner out on the patio, and then our driving in my car afterward. i probably tried to play hanson, but that never went over too well :) lately, i find myself pretending you're in the passenger seat next to me sometimes. maybe that's crazy, but it's the truth. especially when i'm listening to 30 seconds to mars, or, you know, that "scary" music. i have to say, even though you were a terrible "backseat driver" (ha), i miss those drives and rides with you.


i look back a lot lately on all we did last year.. in my ongoing journal. i can't tell you how much of a comfort that is as well.. being able to read and remember all our good times.


"now, though, looking back, i wondered what it meant, knowing it meant something, and questioned whether 2011 would be anything like the past year.." i wrote that a few months ago, about you, friend, as i wondered if. 2011 has been anything but similar to 2010, and although i know you're still with me, it's in an altogether different, and an altogether unexpected, way.


i don't know how it all works. but, to me, when i think of you, look up and speak to you in my own way, and especially as i write about you, it feels to me that you're right here, that you can hear everything, that we're sitting here having this conversation. that's what i feel, and to me, that's what i believe.

1 comment:

  1. hey JB, so sorry to hear/read about your loss...I know how reeling that can be, especially when it's so unexpected. how wonderful though that you have so many memories to keep with you forever. and keep writing. things written can never be forgotten :)


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