Wednesday, February 16, 2011

learn to be still.

today's lesson (actually.. yesterday's lesson.. i wrote this tuesday).. return to stillness.

so, i have my quiet days. i mean, i'm a quiet person in general. but some days, i'm even quieter than usual. today was one of those days. today was also one of those days when i guarantee i wrote more (and laughed more) than i spoke. it doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong. more often than not, nothing is wrong (including today). and it also doesn't mean i'm not enjoying what i'm doing at the time, or that i'm unhappy, either. sometimes i worry it gets taken the wrong way. but it's just what it is. quiet stillness.

this has bothered others in the past. those who felt the need to fill every possible second with spoken words. those who felt the need to change me until i, too, was screaming. those who failed to see the beauty in the silent spaces in between. but i.. i have never minded the quiet. in fact, i prefer it most of the time (except when it comes to music). and it's nice to be surrounded by family and friends who get that, who let me be.. that's something i'm forever thankful for.. something that always means so much to me.

it’s amazing what you can hear, what you can learn, when it’s quiet and you keep listening.

I spoke as loud as I could
So maybe you’d hear me
Always the quiet one
But I screamed in return
Shouting lessons I knew
You’d never learn
You had already replaced me
With your own dreams
Mapping out directions
To a place I wasn’t meant to be
You forgot I’m a homebody
A quiet-natured somebody
Who set her sights
On the plans you changed
The promises you erased
Before I ever had a chance to settle in
Instead, I raised my voice
Hoping to match yours
Hoping to be heard over the words
You seemed to think were more important
Than my own
I gave up screaming
Once I figured out you weren’t paying attention
Once I realized you had your own eyes
Set on something more
Once I woke up
The stillness returned
The calm I had forgotten
The quiet I had fought against
All for the sake of being respected
By someone who was never listening
These days, I realize
I don’t have to yell to be heard
I’m surrounded by open ears
That hear me
Even when I haven’t spoken a word

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