you can only say that what you want is where you are.

i've been working on 10 west for about three months now, and i have to say, i'm really enjoying it - my coworkers and the work itself. some mornings i leave the hospital wondering why i enjoy doing what i do. it's not a pretty job; it's not an easy job; and there are many moments at work when i find myself thinking, "how am i going to do this?" but, for one reason or another, i love it.


i love the hands-on; the activeness of it all. i love how every night is the same and every night is different. i love learning many new things each time i work, and it always amazes me how much there is to learn and continue learning. i love staying busy and running around like a maniac. i love the teamwork behind it all. and i love taking care.

when i was little, i wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. in high school, i had my heart set on teaching dance. and then there were times i thought i'd do something with writing. after my first year at radford, though, the idea of going into nursing just kind of came to me out of the blue. and, for whatever reason, it just stuck with me from then on out.

i was fortunate enough to get my dream nursing job right after graduation in the nicu - neonatal intensive care - working with premature and sick newborns. and, if i'm being completely honest, i've always had a place in my heart for nicu nursing and think it's something i'd like to go back to one day. in northern virginia, i got the chance to work on a high-risk pregnancy unit and loved working with that patient population as well. and here i am today, working on the acute care for the elderly unit, with the opportunity to take care of older adults.

i've learned so much from nursing - from each job and each position. expect the unexpected. plan ahead but know that, no matter how much or how well you plan, a million things will come up and happen in the meantime that you never planned on. don't try and do two things at once; take it one step at a time, finishing one task before you more on to the next. don't be afraid to ask for help, and be sure and help those around you with a smile on your face. sit down when you can. watch the sunrise over the mountains out of the window at the end of the hall. never say "quiet" or "slow;" things begin to happen shortly after. along with the scheduled, have-to-do things of each shift, take the time to do the little things for each patient (those are my favorite nursing moments). and, finally, there is always, always something new to learn.

it's good to finally be feeling settled again - or, at the very least, very close to it - and to be getting back to the real me a little bit at a time. i've learned throughout the last few years that nursing is a part of that real me. so, maybe this is where the blog is going now - writing about who i am now and what makes up me now - instead of writing about who i used to be or who i'd like to be. live each season as it passes.

get right to the heart of matters.

thursday reflections. sharing 10 thoughts of the week.

1. ever think about what you would do if you didn't work where you work now? i think i'd do something related to writing. or photography. or baking.

2. itunes and i are a dangerous combination. seriously. i'm going to go broke thanks to new music.

3. i was throwing away some trash in a trashcan outside a gas station this week, and the trashcan read, "do not litter." does that seem unnecessary to anyone else but me?

4. i heard this song called "you're the reason i come home" by ron pope on "so you think you can dance" last night. beautiful song. no idea who this singer is, but i already like him. also have been listening to 30 seconds to mars a lot lately and love these songs in particular - "kings and queens" and "closer to the edge." go listen to them on youtube. now.

5. favorite picture finds from this week.

6. "these lessons that we've learned here have only just begun."

7. so excited "so you think you can dance" is back. such amazing, moving dancers. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41uD4XXCITc&NR=1

and

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULOO16xljNg&feature=related
(the part at one minute in kills me).

8. lots of afternoon falling rain this week. i love it.

9. in the mood to bake.

10. beaches. birthdays. fireflies. thunderstorms. ice cream. summertime.

make a time to find your way.

so, i'm at work right now, but there's nothing to do. lots o' empty rooms on the floor tonight, which means fewer patients for each nurse and less to do. so, here i am.

i've been thinking about what i should use this blog for. i started writing about my 13 commandments a while back, but i've now written about all 13 of them, and i feel like i should pick something else to center this blog around.

any ideas? would love to hear from you all.

on another note. i can't believe it's june already. this year continues to fly by, but the best part is every moment has been full this year. i can genuinely say that. and i'm feeling more and more settled myself.

i called this blog "an altogether different place" because, after everything that happened last year, i found myself, emotionally, in a different place, and i used this blog and writing as ways to move and grow through it all. months later, i find myself in another altogether different place, having moved on and having grown up thanks to 2009. but i know there's more to come and more room to grow.

i've always been a planner, a dreamer. 2010 has been different, though, and i've been able to really be here instead of wondering what comes next. i guess that's how i've changed the most.

still, i've been thinking of this blog, and i need ideas. stat! (ha. hey, i'm at the hospital. had to thrown that in there). hm. where to go next - writing-wise. all i know is, i love my life, i love writing, and the best i know to do is to just keep writing about what i love.

i see a tiny light. like a flashbulb sparkle in the night.

after work tuesday night, i got to thinking about something. well, truth is, i'm always thinking about something, but here's what i had on my mind specifically.

as a nurse, you do a lot of unpleasant, sometimes hurtful things to and for your patients in order for them to feel better. for instance, tuesday night, i put a ng tube down for a patient who was having abdominal issues (ng tube = a tube that, basically, goes up the nose, down the back of the throat and into the stomach to drain the stomach of, well, yucky stuff). this patient had been feeling awful, but almost immediately after the tube was inserted and in place - a simple, yet significant, procedure - the patient began to feel better. there was this sense of sudden relief.

this got me thinking of something else (besides the fact that i spend way too much of my time in my head). it got me thinking of one of my favorite quotes - a sea of flowers won't bloom without the rain.

the last week or two, i've been in this kind of funk. i still have yet to figure out why, but i guess it is what it is. and, since things have been so great lately, it seemed even harder to be feeling "down" for a while. i wasn't used to it, and i hadn't felt that way in a long time. yesterday, though, something was different. it was like a weight had been lifted. and it only took a few small, yet significant, things for me to start feeling better - to have that same sense of sudden relief i mentioned before.

i've talked about what the above quote means to me in other entries before - that, sometimes, you have to go through the bad to get to the good. lately, i've realized, you can think of the quote in one of two ways - one, the bad days are there for a reason - to remind us that, no matter what, better days are ahead, to make us appreciate the better days; and two, the good days are there for a reason as well - to remind us of how far we have come, to give us a chance to look back and learn from the bad.

to me, seems like, no matter how bad you're feeling, feeling better and better days are always just around the corner. i'm more and more thankful every day that the better days largely outnumber the bad and to know that the simplest things can turn a bad day good. it's a blessed life and i'm happy to be here.

not far, but near, i stood and saw it all.

naive by nature, full of second chances and unquestioning trust
gentle hands that forever fiddle in silence with their best intentions
and eyes and ears that both listen with focused consideration

i'm happy to have inherited these things from you
sharing secrets as our feet splashed through the summer seas
stories of your childhood, your wedding day and the years you kept inside
stories only known to you and me
as your mind misplaces memories, i'll keep them secure in mine
the simplest of things that make your eyes light up in wonder -
i see them in a different way myself now, with new-found appreciation
you've taught me how to slow down, to look around
i learned that from watching you as you take it all in, piece by piece
i see the love between you and him, fifty years in the making
and the way you still look at each other, smile at one another
it makes me wish for something so sincere, something so lasting
i've watched as your hands have taken care, have taken hold
i've watched as your eyes watch over, full of thought and sincerity
without a negative thought in mind, you forever smile
i've known you for twenty-five years
from the times when you would rock me to sleep
to the times lately when we sit and talk and laugh, when we share
and i'm happy to be able to call you my friend, my grandmaw

all this sunlight feels warm on my face today.

thursday reflections. sharing 10 thoughts of the week.

1. in high school, i hated to read. until i read to kill a mockingbird in 10th grade. the first book i ever actually enjoyed reading. what am i reading right now? the last song.

2. i'm thinking this was one of my favorite weeks at work yet. i got the chance to do and see things i never have before, and i consider that an opportunity. plus, we were actually fully staffed tuesday night (hey, one night out of three is better than nothing). sad what i get excited about as a nurse.

3. pretty excited about this as well.. top chef comes back next month. love that show.

4. tomorrow night is ladies night at the glazed bisque-it. can't wait to go paint.

5. beautiful photography.. http://mandylynne.com/#

6. reminds me of today..

7. sometimes, they play "catch my disease" by ben lee at the end of our classes at the gym. go listen. just a little happy for you.

8. i think i've baked about five red velvet cakes this year for one reason or another. little known secret.. i'm always tempted to use blue food coloring instead of red.

9. just saw something on tv about moulin rouge. i've seen this movie about 100 times, but it's a movie musical, and it's ewan mcgregor. what more do you need?

10. thursdays are always full of laughter. looking forward to the rest of today.

you got a piece of me, but it's just a little piece of me.

i was only barely breathing
for a moment passing by

but the endless days gone scattered
mattered nothing when i thought to ask why

there were nights when eyes saw nothing else
when the signs of forever still teased your heart
expecting more than something to remember
waiting for time to play its healing part

trapped inside a memory's holding
feeling this had taken all that was mine
looking back, now knowing
they were only moments, not a lifetime

slowly learning the difference
as i walk on with lessons on my mind
it was a piece of me, not all of me
that purposefully got left behind